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[10 Oct 2006|05:34pm] |
It's very annoying how my writing teacher says the word complex about 50 times per class. It's at 8 o'clock in the morning. I thought that this would be fine, seeing that i've gone to school at eight o'clock in the morning for most of my life. I was very wrong. I wake up at six thirty, I try to make myself look presentable, and I walk outside to swarms of wall street business...people. Power Suits, Power Ties, and Power Lunch carts. There's so much money around me right now, and yet, i have none. I'm the eye of the money hurricane. I walk to the 2 3 express train on the red line. I whistle to stay awake. I get on the train. "Stand clear of the closing doors please." Chambers Street, Park Place, 14th Street. I get off. I walk three blocks to school. The smells are strong enough to knock me down. I pull it together and walk into class. My teacher starts off the class with a complex discussion about the complexities of making a complex arguement. Her name is Andrea... not Aandrea, but AUN-DrEEAA. How complex. I fall asleep and have a complex dream about shooting myself in the face.
College is just like high school. It's better, but everyone still thinks they're smarter than everyone else. They become especially convinced when they learn to say the word complex every other second. At least my roommate makes cupcakes. I love her.
Um, hey Worcester, give me a kiss/comment. Love you.
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[21 Sep 2006|08:42pm] |
Just so you know, I obsessively refresh my friends page. I never update this, but I love knowing how everyone's doing.
And on that note:
I'm doing very well. I keep getting As on college papers. Thank you Mr. Treese! Seriously, I'm the only one who isn't bugging out about the amount of work. In fact, college is pretty easy compared to Worcester Academy. It's basically the same amount of work, only now I have more time to do it. I really miss the Java Hut and everyone who frequents/used to frequent/ sometimes goes there. So If anyone wants to start some e-mail correspondence with me that would be lovely. I'm just missing Worcester a little bit. I miss normal people, I can't really explain it.. just Normal People.
So I look forward to hearing from some of you who are on my livejournal friends page. If you want to talk to me that is.
bradybianca@gmail.com
do it up yo.
love!
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| so i'm in college... |
[31 Aug 2006|05:14pm] |
I live in New York City. Downtown. I have to take a subway everyday to school. There are masses of people everywhere. I haven't been bored for 5 minutes since I got here.
Still, I'm a little bit homesick. I'm the only one who says things are "wicked _______ !" I keep thinking that I'll be home soon and I'll stop by the Java Hut and drive around in my car. I never thought i'd miss 290.
How's everyone in Worcester doing?
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| a few things. |
[17 Jun 2006|03:14pm] |
1) Etc. This is an abreviation for ET Cetera, which is Latin for "and the others."
2) Boy. This is a noun that I wish to pluralize. To do so, I will add an s. Boys. To add an apostrophe and an s (Boy's) is to make this noun posessive. In context: The boy's pants.
I don't mean to be rude. I just get really confused sometimes on livejournal. It seems that people are attracted to writing about themselves, and yet they cannot structure their entries in a way that makes gramatical sense. These two are just my biggest pet peeves.
I feel gross right now.
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| '06 |
[04 Jun 2006|02:04am] |
so I graduated from high school.
It was amazing. It was cathartic. I think it was everything that it should be. Our speaker was Dr. Ernest Green. He was one of the little rock nine, one of the first black students to be integrated into public schools in Arkansas. He gave such a powerful speech. It was so humbling to listen and to think about all that he went through when he was my age. He is one of three people to receive a congressional medal for civil rights. Rosa Parks. MLKJr. Ernest Green. I was so excited to shake his hand. Google him yo.
I'm going to miss Worcester Academy. I grew up there. I became who I am there. I'll take what the school has given me wherever I go. I feel prepared. Adventures!
I hope everyone is well. I just need to remember my own advice. Don't get complacent. Don't settle for anything less than you deserve.
Oh yeah and tonight I saw a opossum. Life really is beautiful.
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[28 May 2006|12:54am] |
I haven't written anything substantial in my live journal in a long time. Right now I'm thinking about how sad it is that microsoft word sometimes automatically corrects your spelling. I'd been spelling receive wrong, and then I was embarrassed. You know, the whole "I before E" thing. Whatever.
This is so foreign to me. This transition period. I "know" where i'm going to be next year, but I don't really have any idea of what my life is going to look like. I feel like I should expect to be drastically changed by the drastic changes in my surroundings. Then again, I feel as though I'll be exactly the same, only with taller buildings and less money.
I worked at the Java Hut all day. It was pretty busy in terms of sales. I was pretty busy in terms of side work. The Shakti Women's Writing Pact was all up ins. Their prompt was "all our secrets are the same." I used it, and I wrote a poem in my head while I bagged bagels. I like the way it came out. And that Molly character even tipped me. I guess I was extra nice today because that seriously has never happened before. $3.99 and she takes back the penny, no joke. But i bet she has this awesome jug of pennies next to her coat rack or something. Maybe she'll set aside a day to roll pennies and roll out of the bank with serious loot. Or maybe she likes to pay with exact change. Maybe she should tip more. Maybe I should do a better job more.
I made a documentary about myself for my senior project. I e-mailed Mr. Bill and asked to use his classroom on Tuesday night for the screening. So anyone who reads my live journal who wants to come to this showing should go to Mr. Bill/Dr. Murnane's classroom on Tuesday night at 7:30. Mr. Bill still has to e-mail me back, then i'll send a big e-mail to everyone. But if you don't read school e-mail and you read this, you should come. Bring chips.
I had so much fun making that movie. It's rare that I ever create something that I'm proud of. It works so well. The feedback I've gotten so far is really exciting. It's funny and ridiculous but there are such eerie and emotionally weird melancholy undertones. I feel like I accomplished exactly what I set out to do, and that excites me. Maybe someday I'll make films. I really have never pictured myself with a career. Honestly, what the fuck am I good at that's a usable skill?
And that's another thing. There should be a tiny bit of actual real life tradesman type skill-learning in high school. I would really feel a lot better about myself if I knew how to one, change a flat tire, two, fix anything on a car at all, three, build something (anything, even a birdhouse). People will pay you to do these things for them, see how much you get paid for writing a five paragraph essay. Exactly.
I like to climb trees, but I don't, because it reminds me of someone who I don't like to be reminded of.
Can anyone suggest to me a good book? I am experiencing a reading drought.
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| To self-destruct |
[30 Apr 2006|12:30am] |
Take off your shoes. Hang up your wings. Stack up the chairs, roll up the rug. Savor the things that sobriety brings, draining the last from a jug. Because. When I hit the bottle there's no telling what i'll do, because something deep inside me wants to turn you black and blue. I can't resist you. I can't wait, to twist your loving arms until you capitulate.
Wave the white flag. Put away the pistol. Too many people just can't get kissed. But if there's nothing I can do to make amends, baby, I hope you don't murder me.
Gee, baby, I hope you don't murder me.
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| Expectations. |
[10 Apr 2006|10:41pm] |
Lately I come to these sudden realizations. Always in the middle of doing something else. Thinking wow, A lot is expected of me, a lot has always been expected of me. And for mywholelife it has been as such. I'm only beginning to realize that occasionally I am deserving of my anger/frustration, but i'm so outwardly rational. I just want to be where i want to be sometimes. This makes sense to me. How about those parents with high expectations?
Also I have a headache. I think it's my sinuses.
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[07 Apr 2006|12:07am] |
"The Fifes of Wembley"
Folk song from the isles that has been stuck in my head for the past 6 days.
Damn you, you folks.
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[27 Mar 2006|11:03pm] |
There's really nothing right now.
Yesterday I fell trying to get into my car (an action that i've completed successfully more than one hojillion times in my life). I slammed my head on the doorjamb. Inconveniently, my hand was already gripping the car door. The force of my fall jerked the door, hitting the other side of my head. So, I boxed my own ears using a giant piece of steel. I almost passed out, and the ride home was strangely slow. My head still hurts and my left ear is bruised.
BE FOREWARNED; BITCHING AND MOANING TO FOLLOW:
I went to the library at WPI tonight in an attempt to complete homework. I did it. It feels good to get things done, but it's so mysteriously easy to forget that in between things that need to get done. Procrastination. That whole "teacher's calm down in the fourth quarter when you're a senior" thing has turned out to be a lie, crafted simply to get you to the fourth quarter. Today was my first day back and I have:
1- to be in a play, an irish play, and learn lines, and rehearse until approx. 6-7 pm nightly.
2- an ominous english term paper (?)
3- to read a book and be ready to debate the negative on raising the min. wage to $10 an hour
4- learn conversational spanish [(WTF CAN SOMEONE PLS TELL ME?!) but kind of cool i guess]
5- to teach math to my class for more than a test grade
6- to direct a scene
It doesn't seem bad when i type it out. But working and doing FNB and running around in circles trying to figure out where to go to college oh goodness
I just want to leave.
Nick Davis really hit the nail on the head when he said "No matter how hard I try i'm still not a pigeon. You see a pigeon's me being specific. I'm looking for any kind of downgrade really."
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| sadness |
[25 Mar 2006|02:51pm] |
It has gone by so fast. And my boobs grew. And i'm still in limbo. And I want some coffee.
And I haven't done any of my homework, or learned any of my lines. :)
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| march break |
[14 Mar 2006|12:06pm] |
I haven't had a day off since vacation started. But that's okay! I never realize how bored I get without things that I need to do until I have time off. Actually that's a total lie and what I want is to go to the aquarium and then eat sushi. I think that's pretty sick. In a bad way. Also I want to drink coffee and eat thawed frozen chocolate covered teramisu balls. They really are dank.
Tomorrow will be fun. I miss Jay Gravel as he is in Florida with Donna and Jay. Stepping on alligators and shit.
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| just need to freak out for a second, |
[27 Feb 2006|09:00pm] |
I've been in trouble lately. With teachers. It's weird, because that never happens. And it shouldn't happen now, in the moments when I feel more and more like an adult. But social stigma follows us everywhere. I guess they sew it into chuck taylor's or something. I don't even wear chuck taylor's.
It's easier to deal with secrets when you leave them smoldering in parking lots or cemeteries, I'm sorry that's what it's come to, but that's what it's come to. I mean, if you leave them smoldering in the attic, ruminating, spreading to old books and moth ball scented house coats, they'll burn the house down. At least she doesn't jump into a bottle every morning in the shower. At least she reads, thinks, tries to understand.
Who hides behind sunglasses and blond highlights? Just a rock hurtling through space at a million miles a second (but it's all relative) and yet i still worry about sounding dumb on livejournal. Backspace. Stop. Type some more. All I want is sunshine, but once i get it it won't be all i want. I want to not be in limbo. It's disconcerting to not even have the vaguest idea of where you'll lay your hat this time next year.
Everybody's talking like they can't sit down and looking like they can't stand up. It must be the latest style... No tombstone could ever surprise me when i'm locked in a room about half the size of a matchbox. I've got holes in my s-o-c-k-s. They match the ones that i've got in my feet. I put my feet in the holes on the street and somebody paved me over. I was a statue standing on the corner tell me how else can a boy get to see those pretty pleats? I love Elvis Costello
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| weekend: |
[20 Feb 2006|10:11pm] |
It's funny how often one finds oneself in this position.
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| my weekend: |
[12 Feb 2006|12:23am] |
1) vegans
2) cake and candy
3) Jazz music
a-Black Cow
b-Pools
c-Tell Me A Bedtime Story
4) Michelle C. Vaudreuil, jazz combo MVP.
5) Learning to say the following phrases in Korean:
a-She went to the town center to buy bread!
b-I have a headache.
c-What the fuck?
d-yes
e-no
f-I'm going to kick you in the penis.
g-She really likes bread.
6) Moldy Peaches and Saves The Day (on a bus)
7) Last night on the Mass Pike (on a bus, on the mass pike)
8) Space Portal booth at The Cheesecake Factory
9) Thriller + Sam Clifford
10) Tim Funk
And quite a few "meaning of life(?!)" discussions.
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| thank you javabill, again. |
[07 Feb 2006|10:00pm] |
| You are a Black Coffee | 
At your best, you are: low maintenance, friendly, and adaptable
At your worst, you are: cheap and angsty
You drink coffee when: you can get your hands on it
Your caffeine addiction level: high |
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[06 Feb 2006|07:57pm] |
- The state nickname of Iowa is 'The Bianca state'!
- On stone temples in southern India, there are more than 30 million carved images of Bianca.
- Biancaocracy is government by Bianca!
- Wearing headphones for an hour will increase the amount of Bianca in your ear 700 times.
- Without Bianca, we would have to pollinate apple trees by hand!
- When provoked, Bianca will swivel the tip of her abdomen and shoot a jet of boiling chemicals at her attacker.
- Bianca was banned from Finland because of not wearing pants.
- Bianca can live for up to a week without a head!
- Fish travel in schools, but whales travel in Bianca!
- It is bad luck to light three cigarettes with the same Bianca!
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[05 Feb 2006|06:18pm] |
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i've seen the needle and the damage done. Every junkie's like a setting sun.
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[30 Jan 2006|09:50pm] |
On my way to my Nonnie's house for dinner i heard weird disjointed church bells through the fog. It reminded me of summer, but so does anything good.
There's nothing like a brisk walk to Archie's by yourself. Avoiding eye contact and cracks in the sidewalk but usually there's too much of both.
I have applied to seven colleges. I am bound to get into one of them. I have stopped doing homework. I read boing boing and learn the Dave way. So suck it.
I'm going to the semi-formal dance. The last one of my high school career. I hope i have fun. I hope things get amusingly crunk, but not excessively crunk. I may have to escape.
My vehicle passed inspection today. Last year Vinny came with me to get the sticker and i remember wondering, "what will i be doing next january when i get an inspection sticker?" Dave.
All i want to do is sleep in that bed forever. It's cold. My head is just sort of numb. All in all I'm wonderful. Content. Tired.
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